A Good Drink Before Dinner

I don't know about you, but I love having a good drink, especially before dinner. A long, long time ago, I was introduced to the concept of an aperitif before dinner as a way to stimulate one's appetite. I've never needed a lot of help to get ready to eat but I've learned over time to be more selective about the type of things I put in my mouth, so I eat much less and imbibe in a responsible way.

I've tried traditional aperitifs like Campari but was not particularly impressed. I do enjoy a good glass of champagne but can never have just one glass. I almost always buy champagne by the bottle! Before I know it, I've had 2 or 3 glasses of champagne, I'm ordering some appetizers and no longer have a desire for dinner! What a dilemma!

I found a viable solution: the Vodka Martini.

I have had a love affair with Vodka, since my youth. Alas, my love has not always been repaid in kind. In the summer of my life, an evening with my lover Vodka has often left me awake at 4 a.m., heart beating like I've been running from a hungry tiger, with an unquenchable thirst for water and dragon breath by the time I arrived at work. I struggled with this "dilemma" for almost a decade! After much experimentation, I discovered that 2 martinis (not 4 or 5!), combined with a little food, makes dinner more enjoyable and promotes a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

My name is J Paul Ghetto and I grew up in the hood. I'm as comfortable with a cold bottle of Mickey's malt liquor as I am with a chilled stein of Stella Artois. Time and experience have taught me however about the concept of garbage in garbage out. My late drinking buddy, a distinguished man of letters, helped me to understand that it's best to drink what you can afford as opposed to what you prefer, because your stomach, liver, urinary system will eventually present you with a bill for services. If you've been unkind to them while they've served you, they will reciprocate in an unrelenting manner. I love Nikolai and truth be told it suits my temperament and is a superb drink especially when artfully combined with other intoxicants. However, Stolichnaya has kissed me softly, repeatedly, on the lips, and caused me to keep her ever vigilent, in my freezer. Mistress Stolichnaya whispers soft reminders of my desire for her, when I'm ordering a drink at one of my favorite restaurants.

The next time you're about to have a great dinner, are feeling really good about yourself and that person seated across from you, order a Stoli martini with a few anchovy stuffed olives, just before they bring the hot bread to the table. When that martini arrives, make a toast, take a good swig, chomp down on one of those anchovy stuffed olives, pop a piece of buttered bread in your mouth, and wash it all down with a little more drink. For a few moments, you will believe that you have floated off to heaven. You can stay there for a while, until the bill comes.